Wednesday, 16 October 2013
A small list of things that annoy me:
1) Getting food stuck between my teeth...you can't tell me that there is a just and loving god out there when I've just spent half an hour trying to get rid of the (as in one, singular) poppy seed from my tasty poppy seed covered loaf that has wedged itself between my canines. Well, you can tell me that there is such a deity, but then I'm afraid I'll have to ask that you prove He exists by sending you to meet Him and report back on the matter. Fire will be involved in the sending...
2) People who exit a building, then stop right in front of the doorway and thus bar me from entering...I don't care what the excuse is, whether it's that they're waiting for their friends to also exit, or they've gone half an hour without increasing their risk of cancer (and what a shame that is as people like this deserve that cancer more than anyone else!) or that upon leaving the building they find themselves amazed, nay, in literal awe that the outside world could be so beautiful it reduces one to a state of catatonia....I really don't care. Next time it happens, instead of tutting and mumbling curses under my breath I'm going to, in addition to the aforementioned actions, tap my foot impatiently, yes, that'll show them!
3) People who make lists of things. I mean really, what is the point, for one, it's insulting to the reader, acting as though they need things to be laid out for them in precise, numerically labelled order. As though they'll read a couple of items and wonder to themselves "Hmm, how many things has he mentioned? Oh I don't know, why didn't I go to school?! Why?! WHY?!" and then they go off and shoot themselves, as is the course of nature in these matters.
4) The internet. It's too distracting! I need it to do work, but on it I can never do work, so might as well not have it in the first place! That's right, it's a paradox. You all know what a paradox is, right? Well, I'll break it down for you, first we've got "Para" from the Ancient Greek word for besides, and then we've got "dox" from the corrupted pronunciation of ducks, so paradox means "besides ducks" as in "well, this would work on everything, besides ducks" and that's just science.
5) Scientists. A while ago I was thinking to myself, "how do scientists know what they know" and I arrived at a startling discovery...they don't know...they're all just guessing! Gravity, an invisible force that is all around and keeps us stapled to the ground...sounds a bit like magic, doesn't it?! Show me gravity. But they can't, they're just good storytellers, they "invent" or "discover" all these things, but never show us. "Oh it's there! Trust us!" they say, whilst asking for more and more money to "prove" that such and such exists...but they know....they know they don't know....I'm onto you scientists, yeah *glares at scientists*.....grrrr
Thursday, 3 October 2013
The adventures of Adventure-Man
It's been a busy kind of month. (Holy shit, it's been a month?! Well...near enough) I've moved out of my home, started university, moved back home, been drunk, a lot, been deathly ill (not related to alcohol...there was this flu thing going around....felt more like TB...tbh...ha! see what I did there?! we have japes aplenty here, oh my yes), met an inordinately crazy amount of new people and actually started doing work (mostly) when I get it instead of leaving it until the last minute! Imagine that!
Because of all that I've not really had a chance to just chill, you know...get grounded in a sense because this month just passed has gone by alarmingly quickly. This weekend will be the first in a long time where I can actually just do nothing. I mean, I know I'm going to end up doing something exhausting, probably something to do with writing or walking aimlessly around Liverpool at night, you know, that kind of thing. I know, it's not good, I'm always tired because I don't really get to rest because there's either work that needs doing or I create my own tasks for myself because I get bored so easily. Most of the time I could be relaxing I end up writing, or rearranging things in my room, or wrestling the dogs just...anything you know. I hate being inactive, it feels somewhat wasteful.
But I know I need to stop at times. Because I do get so very tired, I'm continually exhausted because I can't just sit there, I can't just watch TV or hell, even read a book. I'm sure it's some form of ADD. I'll be sitting there, reading whatever and you know, properly reading it in, taking it in, but I'll also be pacing the room, stopping every now and then to write something or google something that's popped into my head....it really is quite distracting. For instance, this (so far) has been a very short piece (by my standards) I've stopped four or five times already just to go and read LFC and mmo-champ forums. I get bored very easily. I do sometimes wonder if that's the effect of the internet or video games or just my genetics...
I think worse than my flippancy toward things are the obsessions I get. To a mild extent I think everyone gets obsessed over something. You listen to that same song over and over and over, or get really into that show, you know, the one with the llamas...you sick freak! I'd be ashamed if I were you, but if I were you, I wouldn't be watching it, so I wouldn't be ashamed...but you would still be...as you should be! But anyway, yeah, I think I've talked about this before. I can get obsessed with ideas and things. Really obsessed, to the point it's all I'll talk about...much to the detriment of the conversation. But that's fine, what I'm really talking about is my stubborn ideas. I know I've talked about mistakes not too long ago, and that is basically an extension of this. I know something is a bad idea, but I'll stubbornly pursue it because...reasons, I guess. I don't even look at it in a logical way and it actually, genuinely scares me. I mentioned at the start that I moved back home which has led me to re-evaluating my financial situation. (Short version...it's bad...oh gods....it's bad...) Which meant I had to look at my original calculations...and they were wrong...not just slightly, but really way, way off. I'd basically got it wrong by a factor of three. I remembered my exact way of working it out, what factors I'd included, used the exact numbers and came up with completely different numbers....Now you may think "well, anyone can make a mistake" and that is true. But I went over and over these numbers. Hell, part of the reason I was so determined about the move away was because it would be better for me financially....but I was wrong. Laughably, fantastically wrong, time and time again when I did those calculations over the summer...and I can only rationalise it as me being so obsessed, so determined with moving that it distorted what I was perceiving...and that's worrying, you know....if you can't trust your own brain...who/what can you trust?
Yeah...Descartes would disagree with me...probably, but man, fuck him! If he so great how come he so dead?! Huh?! Answer me that! Anyway, I'm off to enjoy the last hour or so before bed doing washing....well, I say enjoy, it's more like labour through...not quite as arduous as Heracles' labours...but hey, come on, he was a demi god...I myself am a half divine but you know, gods were just cooler back then. Laters.
Because of all that I've not really had a chance to just chill, you know...get grounded in a sense because this month just passed has gone by alarmingly quickly. This weekend will be the first in a long time where I can actually just do nothing. I mean, I know I'm going to end up doing something exhausting, probably something to do with writing or walking aimlessly around Liverpool at night, you know, that kind of thing. I know, it's not good, I'm always tired because I don't really get to rest because there's either work that needs doing or I create my own tasks for myself because I get bored so easily. Most of the time I could be relaxing I end up writing, or rearranging things in my room, or wrestling the dogs just...anything you know. I hate being inactive, it feels somewhat wasteful.
But I know I need to stop at times. Because I do get so very tired, I'm continually exhausted because I can't just sit there, I can't just watch TV or hell, even read a book. I'm sure it's some form of ADD. I'll be sitting there, reading whatever and you know, properly reading it in, taking it in, but I'll also be pacing the room, stopping every now and then to write something or google something that's popped into my head....it really is quite distracting. For instance, this (so far) has been a very short piece (by my standards) I've stopped four or five times already just to go and read LFC and mmo-champ forums. I get bored very easily. I do sometimes wonder if that's the effect of the internet or video games or just my genetics...
I think worse than my flippancy toward things are the obsessions I get. To a mild extent I think everyone gets obsessed over something. You listen to that same song over and over and over, or get really into that show, you know, the one with the llamas...you sick freak! I'd be ashamed if I were you, but if I were you, I wouldn't be watching it, so I wouldn't be ashamed...but you would still be...as you should be! But anyway, yeah, I think I've talked about this before. I can get obsessed with ideas and things. Really obsessed, to the point it's all I'll talk about...much to the detriment of the conversation. But that's fine, what I'm really talking about is my stubborn ideas. I know I've talked about mistakes not too long ago, and that is basically an extension of this. I know something is a bad idea, but I'll stubbornly pursue it because...reasons, I guess. I don't even look at it in a logical way and it actually, genuinely scares me. I mentioned at the start that I moved back home which has led me to re-evaluating my financial situation. (Short version...it's bad...oh gods....it's bad...) Which meant I had to look at my original calculations...and they were wrong...not just slightly, but really way, way off. I'd basically got it wrong by a factor of three. I remembered my exact way of working it out, what factors I'd included, used the exact numbers and came up with completely different numbers....Now you may think "well, anyone can make a mistake" and that is true. But I went over and over these numbers. Hell, part of the reason I was so determined about the move away was because it would be better for me financially....but I was wrong. Laughably, fantastically wrong, time and time again when I did those calculations over the summer...and I can only rationalise it as me being so obsessed, so determined with moving that it distorted what I was perceiving...and that's worrying, you know....if you can't trust your own brain...who/what can you trust?
Yeah...Descartes would disagree with me...probably, but man, fuck him! If he so great how come he so dead?! Huh?! Answer me that! Anyway, I'm off to enjoy the last hour or so before bed doing washing....well, I say enjoy, it's more like labour through...not quite as arduous as Heracles' labours...but hey, come on, he was a demi god...I myself am a half divine but you know, gods were just cooler back then. Laters.
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
The cost of freedom
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaAWdljhD5o
Just a suggested song you can listen to whilst reading this. I like it, it's cool (in my opinion)and you should, though, it's just as cool if you don't, because that's the power of freedom! A great many people think we live in a free world, that the country we live in is a free democracy, where we are able to say anything freely...and we are! We are absolutely free to do anything we are capable of any time BUT, and here's the thing, we are free to do them if we accept that there will be consequences to those actions.
See, I know you'll be thinking to yourself "well, if there's a consequence, then it's not really free, we're not really free to do that whatever example you can think of." Well, of course there's going to be a consequence, everything you do (or don't do) has a consequence. Imposed by either our culture, our families and friends or hell, even biologically. You're perfectly free to go punch a midget (or for that matter call them a midget in the first place, nowadays it's more PC to call them a dwarf...which etymologically, is even more of an insult, but hey...logic, whatevs right, who needs that?) but don't be surprised when you're hauled in for assaulting a person...or being ostracised by your friends for beating up something that is physically as small as a child. You are perfectly free to rant and rave outside abortion clinics that no woman should have the right to their own body, but you know, then you've got to accept that you'll be looked at as though you're the raving bag of distended scrotal rot that you so patently are.
My point is that you are free to do these things, or whatever else, but there will be a consequence to your actions. How is it that you are free then? Well, because one is one thing and the result is another. What is so often the case is that people mistake the "effect" part of cause and effect to mean the same as the cause, the initial action. The first part, the cause part is absolutely free. You can choose any cause you like, from anything in the world. You can influence it, plan it, devote all your time to it, direct it along the lines you want but you can't always see the future effect, the end result. The end of a thing is not where you can change it or the beginning.
A great example of this is gladiatorial combat....what, hear me out on this....I'm not just mentioning it because Gladiator was on the other night and it is such a great movie. No, I'm talking about cause and effect. The cause in this movie is Maximus deciding to fight. He's in a situation where he seemingly has no freedom. He is a slave, bought to fight for the amusement of others. But he chooses to fight. He could choose not to fight, and he'd have been put to death, but by choosing to fight he upsets the emperor and blah blah blah big Hollywood ending. The real point of that is the choice to fight. The effect or end result was that he would fight, or be put to death fighting, he was going to have to fight, so he chose to. Is that freedom? He made a conscious decision to perform an action one way and not the other, is that not what freedom is?
I like it when people know that they are in a bad situation, one they can't win, but still try. I think it's the truest expression of freedom in the whole world. There's something awe inspiring about people who find themselves backs against the wall, no apparent chance of making it out, no real hope or belief that change can be effected in their lifetime, but choose to fight...and then sometimes it worries me that people think democracy is an entitlement, not a reward. Entitlement only matters when it's taken away from you. Seriously, think about it. How many people do you know of (the younger generation especially) who actually care about elections? National or local. How many of them are aware of each political parties policies or stances? How many have considered actually running for a chair themselves? Did you hear that little voice in the back of your head saying "eugh, who'd want to be an MP, they're all corrupt, thieving bastards" or something similar? Of course you did, we all did. So then why, after believing that they're so dirty/corrupt do we not try and change that instead of abstaining or merely swapping one puppet for another? Because it's an entitlement, we don't really care so long as it's there. We are free to choose, and often do, the path of least resistance. If the right to vote was taken away today, would there be an uproar? Oh there would be so very many Orwellian references that we'd get bombarded with but then, at the end of it...would we be bothered because we lost an entitlement or because we lost a vote.
So, does freedom actually exist....I think it does, but perhaps not in the way people readily define it. I really do believe that at any time a person can do anything that they want (which is what the classic freedom generally is) but that they also have to accept that actions have consequences. There is a freedom there, but it certainly has a cost to it.
Just a suggested song you can listen to whilst reading this. I like it, it's cool (in my opinion)and you should, though, it's just as cool if you don't, because that's the power of freedom! A great many people think we live in a free world, that the country we live in is a free democracy, where we are able to say anything freely...and we are! We are absolutely free to do anything we are capable of any time BUT, and here's the thing, we are free to do them if we accept that there will be consequences to those actions.
See, I know you'll be thinking to yourself "well, if there's a consequence, then it's not really free, we're not really free to do that whatever example you can think of." Well, of course there's going to be a consequence, everything you do (or don't do) has a consequence. Imposed by either our culture, our families and friends or hell, even biologically. You're perfectly free to go punch a midget (or for that matter call them a midget in the first place, nowadays it's more PC to call them a dwarf...which etymologically, is even more of an insult, but hey...logic, whatevs right, who needs that?) but don't be surprised when you're hauled in for assaulting a person...or being ostracised by your friends for beating up something that is physically as small as a child. You are perfectly free to rant and rave outside abortion clinics that no woman should have the right to their own body, but you know, then you've got to accept that you'll be looked at as though you're the raving bag of distended scrotal rot that you so patently are.
My point is that you are free to do these things, or whatever else, but there will be a consequence to your actions. How is it that you are free then? Well, because one is one thing and the result is another. What is so often the case is that people mistake the "effect" part of cause and effect to mean the same as the cause, the initial action. The first part, the cause part is absolutely free. You can choose any cause you like, from anything in the world. You can influence it, plan it, devote all your time to it, direct it along the lines you want but you can't always see the future effect, the end result. The end of a thing is not where you can change it or the beginning.
A great example of this is gladiatorial combat....what, hear me out on this....I'm not just mentioning it because Gladiator was on the other night and it is such a great movie. No, I'm talking about cause and effect. The cause in this movie is Maximus deciding to fight. He's in a situation where he seemingly has no freedom. He is a slave, bought to fight for the amusement of others. But he chooses to fight. He could choose not to fight, and he'd have been put to death, but by choosing to fight he upsets the emperor and blah blah blah big Hollywood ending. The real point of that is the choice to fight. The effect or end result was that he would fight, or be put to death fighting, he was going to have to fight, so he chose to. Is that freedom? He made a conscious decision to perform an action one way and not the other, is that not what freedom is?
I like it when people know that they are in a bad situation, one they can't win, but still try. I think it's the truest expression of freedom in the whole world. There's something awe inspiring about people who find themselves backs against the wall, no apparent chance of making it out, no real hope or belief that change can be effected in their lifetime, but choose to fight...and then sometimes it worries me that people think democracy is an entitlement, not a reward. Entitlement only matters when it's taken away from you. Seriously, think about it. How many people do you know of (the younger generation especially) who actually care about elections? National or local. How many of them are aware of each political parties policies or stances? How many have considered actually running for a chair themselves? Did you hear that little voice in the back of your head saying "eugh, who'd want to be an MP, they're all corrupt, thieving bastards" or something similar? Of course you did, we all did. So then why, after believing that they're so dirty/corrupt do we not try and change that instead of abstaining or merely swapping one puppet for another? Because it's an entitlement, we don't really care so long as it's there. We are free to choose, and often do, the path of least resistance. If the right to vote was taken away today, would there be an uproar? Oh there would be so very many Orwellian references that we'd get bombarded with but then, at the end of it...would we be bothered because we lost an entitlement or because we lost a vote.
So, does freedom actually exist....I think it does, but perhaps not in the way people readily define it. I really do believe that at any time a person can do anything that they want (which is what the classic freedom generally is) but that they also have to accept that actions have consequences. There is a freedom there, but it certainly has a cost to it.
Friday, 20 September 2013
No, you're an idiom!
I figure that the best way to deal with this is by simply writing it out...I really don't know what to, no, not what, how to, I really don't know how to write this blog I have to do for my university course. See, here, I can be free and easy, I can be cliché and cheesy, I can write ridiculous little poems mid paragraph in a manner most cheerful and breezy...heh...that was stupid...but see, I can do that here, I can be stupid and say stupid things because it doesn't really matter. It's a completely personal piece, a sounding board for my own opinions and thoughts, and whilst I know that technically it's all out there in the open, I guess it feels like it's really closed off because I don't get very many readers and even if I did get hundreds, thousands hell, even millions of them, it still wouldn't matter because at the end of the day it is just purely my opinions/thoughts and wouldn't really count for much outside of my own head or the entertainment of others....this blog for the university though...see, you'll have noticed if you read through this that I'm generally very lax regarding the actual application of correct grammar, correct syntax and such, it's very much a conversational, disjointed style of writing, full of idioms and nods to geek culture and I'll grant ye that at times that can be quite...annoying or difficult to read/follow, and I get that, I really do, these tend to be train of thought writings because that's my style of writing...it can be entertaining, and you know, great! I hope they are! But to submit it for critical assessment....I guess I'm just worried that because it's very scatter-gun approach, because the flow flips back and forth, that it'll be heavily marked down because it's technically not very good, the quality is quite low in those technical terms...ellipses! Look how many ellipses I use! It's bloody ridiculous! If I had dollar for every use of ellipses I've done in these things....I'd have a lot of money but it'd be the wrong currency and so utterly useless....so it wouldn't matter anyway...
I don't know what to put, I really don't. I've enjoyed the first couple of weeks. The timetable conflicts were annoying, having to wait three hours between lectures and yeah, that wasn't much fun, but the flip-side of it was that it forced people to interact. It's true that not every single person took to it, but even now it's still possible to see the groups of people who went off to explore Liverpool, or else found themselves sat in the coffee shop with each other. If it wasn't done on purpose I'd actually argue for it's inclusion as it got people chatting to one another, whereas if it had been lecture after lecture (or the horribly forced "ice-breaking" games) then I'd be willing to bet most people would have remained in isolation....
Okay! Went away there for a little bit, got the First blog entry thing for my course done....I've a feeling it's been done incorrectly, but whatever! The point is I dived balls first into the hornets nest and now the only thing to wait for is the sweet, sweet release of death....or the unexpected arousal of having done the right thing....mmm, oh sweet stings......I didn't write like that in the blog, do you think I should have? Oh gods, what if they think I'm some kind of anti-hornet protester because i didn't include that, hornetist! they'll call me and throw jars of hornet jelly at me (do hornets even make jelly? I know bees do...and hornets are basically like bees but on steroids right? right?!) until i fall over and die from my dreadful allergy to hornet jelly (am i really allergic? I don't know, do hornet's even make jelly? WHO CAN SAY?! Some things a man is just not meant to know!) but aside from that, I've nothing to do this weekend....Gods above that feels liberating. THe past two - three weeks it's just been like living life in AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH HOLEE SHIT! mode, which is a mode I don't recommend. I mean, it's good and fun and all and yeah, but the thing is.....I'm naturally quite introverted, and these past few weeks have been really physically and mentally exhausting for me...I'm not saying they were bad, because they weren't, not at all, they were good, great even....but very tiring. I've probably met and talked to more people (like, properly met and talked) in the past fortnight than I have in a decade....it was definitely a good idea to have gone to college prior to University...if I hadn't been prepped? I guess, acclimated? Yeah, that's a better word, if I hadn't acclimated to people again through college, I'd have sunk here, so you guys and gals, thank you for that. That said, it is nice to going back to being introverted for a bit, just, build a nest or something, a burrow, and dive into that. Even if just for a weekend, just watch anime and movies, maybe tape hedgehogs to my palms and run around high-fiving people, maybe listen to some tunes...you know, just normal everyday shizz. Anywho, going to wrap it up there because there is a video game out there, somewhere, sad that I am not playing it...and I just hate it when people/animals/inanimate objects/abstract concepts get sad because I'm not there (it's more common than you'd think), so I'd better go remedy that.....adios for the now!
I don't know what to put, I really don't. I've enjoyed the first couple of weeks. The timetable conflicts were annoying, having to wait three hours between lectures and yeah, that wasn't much fun, but the flip-side of it was that it forced people to interact. It's true that not every single person took to it, but even now it's still possible to see the groups of people who went off to explore Liverpool, or else found themselves sat in the coffee shop with each other. If it wasn't done on purpose I'd actually argue for it's inclusion as it got people chatting to one another, whereas if it had been lecture after lecture (or the horribly forced "ice-breaking" games) then I'd be willing to bet most people would have remained in isolation....
Okay! Went away there for a little bit, got the First blog entry thing for my course done....I've a feeling it's been done incorrectly, but whatever! The point is I dived balls first into the hornets nest and now the only thing to wait for is the sweet, sweet release of death....or the unexpected arousal of having done the right thing....mmm, oh sweet stings......I didn't write like that in the blog, do you think I should have? Oh gods, what if they think I'm some kind of anti-hornet protester because i didn't include that, hornetist! they'll call me and throw jars of hornet jelly at me (do hornets even make jelly? I know bees do...and hornets are basically like bees but on steroids right? right?!) until i fall over and die from my dreadful allergy to hornet jelly (am i really allergic? I don't know, do hornet's even make jelly? WHO CAN SAY?! Some things a man is just not meant to know!) but aside from that, I've nothing to do this weekend....Gods above that feels liberating. THe past two - three weeks it's just been like living life in AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH HOLEE SHIT! mode, which is a mode I don't recommend. I mean, it's good and fun and all and yeah, but the thing is.....I'm naturally quite introverted, and these past few weeks have been really physically and mentally exhausting for me...I'm not saying they were bad, because they weren't, not at all, they were good, great even....but very tiring. I've probably met and talked to more people (like, properly met and talked) in the past fortnight than I have in a decade....it was definitely a good idea to have gone to college prior to University...if I hadn't been prepped? I guess, acclimated? Yeah, that's a better word, if I hadn't acclimated to people again through college, I'd have sunk here, so you guys and gals, thank you for that. That said, it is nice to going back to being introverted for a bit, just, build a nest or something, a burrow, and dive into that. Even if just for a weekend, just watch anime and movies, maybe tape hedgehogs to my palms and run around high-fiving people, maybe listen to some tunes...you know, just normal everyday shizz. Anywho, going to wrap it up there because there is a video game out there, somewhere, sad that I am not playing it...and I just hate it when people/animals/inanimate objects/abstract concepts get sad because I'm not there (it's more common than you'd think), so I'd better go remedy that.....adios for the now!
Sunday, 15 September 2013
Mistakes for all!
I love making mistakes...no, that's a bloody understatement, I really fucking love making mistakes. If mistakes were a person, (Miss Takes? Ho ho ho, we do have fun here with the puns and whatnot!...it's not a pun, it's a play on words! you fool!) I would obsessively stalk that person....it would not end well for either of us....but the point of this is, the takeaway from this is that I really do enjoy making mistakes. I hear you asking "But Terence, how do you tell the difference between store bought cola and brand cola when they're unlabelled?" and the answer is simple, I believe you learn better from your mistakes. It's like....remember when you were a child and you burnt your hand on the cooker? (If you don't, just imagine you do...basically all that memory is anyway) From then on you know to keep away from it. But it's basically guaranteed that your parent or carer or supernatural watcher told you first "don't put your hand on the cooker, it's hot!" and that's, well...great...but what is hot? How do you know what hot is if you've never experienced it? You pay attention to what they have told you, of course you do, they're your mum, your baby-sitter, your ephemeral ghost friend who is unable to move into the light and must forever remain on this planet warning little children such as yourself to not touch the hot things or else you'll end up dead and haunting the place like him...but you don't really take it in. So, you totter off to the cooker and as the little bad-ass punk that you think you are you put your hand on the stove, pfft, it ain't no big deal right? Could leave your hand there all d-Jesus Christ! that hurts! Then you wail and cry and run off to an adult and tell them all about how you didn't pay attention to their wise words....and they roll their eyes and do whatever it is that parents do to comfort a child (in my house, they believed wholeheartedly that laughter is the best medicine.....so they laughed at my injury....I'm just messing! I hope...I really can't remember....) and we learn and we never do it again....until the next time...
So why the subject of mistakes....well, basically....I made a mistake coming here, to the student halls....that's not to say there's anything wrong with either my flat, flatmates or the area, because there isn't. They're good buildings/people/locations, just...not entirely for me....I knew it was a mistake from the first moment I decided I was going to move into a shared flat, a halls of residence, but again, as I said at the start I love making mistakes. I had to do it, you know...oh Lord, that's basically a sign of masochism isn't it? Doing something you know will harm you regardless of that knowledge....But yeah, I had to do it because I knew I'd hate myself if I didn't go for it...My brain would be calling me a chicken and bawking all the damn time about it, and no! Just no! Bad brain! You don't get to dictate my life! (I don't get out of this phase until I go back to the future and see myself get fired for not backing down to a challenge after being called chicken like in that movie, though the lesson doesn't really settle in until I go back to the wild west and learn about my namesake who was very similar to me and died because of his inability to back down, basically my life is Back to the Future....I wish...)
It's not that I don't enjoy doing things right, because I do...it's just...I like being wrong sometimes, you know, there's a thrill in genuinely not knowing something, or being told not to do something and then doing it anyway, and just fucking up....I hate the bad reputation failure gets, people looking down on it and crap, there's a snide remark I often hear about Edison's (and I am loathe to credit Edison positively, but alas, these are strange times and here we are) quote of "I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." that basically runs along the lines of "Well, I'd rather just do it right first time."....bravo to those people, they miss the point. If you got everything exactly right first time, then what? If you just sailed through life, getting everything right first time, never making any mistakes at all, excelling perfectly at any and everything you try, how boring would you be as a person? No, not even boring, just condescendingly inhuman. You couldn't debate with people, because you know, you'd just beat them, even if the subject was philosophy, because hey, you're always right. Always. Whatever the topic, whatever the subject....notice how no good ice-breaker starts with "So, guys, I am awesome in every way and have never done anything wrong ever", well, bully for you! There's no empathy to be had with that statement. We as a species relate to each other by our mistakes, by what has gone wrong (or what we perceive of having gone wrong), if everything always goes exactly the right way, if there's no set backs, we degrade as humans, we become less than what we should be because there is no challenge there, no need to adapt and overcome. Anyway, I've talked enough here, I'm going to go adapt and overcome a plate of curry (....that sounded way less gross in my head....I'm going to leave it in there though, because mistakes, yay!) or something...later days y'all!
So why the subject of mistakes....well, basically....I made a mistake coming here, to the student halls....that's not to say there's anything wrong with either my flat, flatmates or the area, because there isn't. They're good buildings/people/locations, just...not entirely for me....I knew it was a mistake from the first moment I decided I was going to move into a shared flat, a halls of residence, but again, as I said at the start I love making mistakes. I had to do it, you know...oh Lord, that's basically a sign of masochism isn't it? Doing something you know will harm you regardless of that knowledge....But yeah, I had to do it because I knew I'd hate myself if I didn't go for it...My brain would be calling me a chicken and bawking all the damn time about it, and no! Just no! Bad brain! You don't get to dictate my life! (I don't get out of this phase until I go back to the future and see myself get fired for not backing down to a challenge after being called chicken like in that movie, though the lesson doesn't really settle in until I go back to the wild west and learn about my namesake who was very similar to me and died because of his inability to back down, basically my life is Back to the Future....I wish...)
It's not that I don't enjoy doing things right, because I do...it's just...I like being wrong sometimes, you know, there's a thrill in genuinely not knowing something, or being told not to do something and then doing it anyway, and just fucking up....I hate the bad reputation failure gets, people looking down on it and crap, there's a snide remark I often hear about Edison's (and I am loathe to credit Edison positively, but alas, these are strange times and here we are) quote of "I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." that basically runs along the lines of "Well, I'd rather just do it right first time."....bravo to those people, they miss the point. If you got everything exactly right first time, then what? If you just sailed through life, getting everything right first time, never making any mistakes at all, excelling perfectly at any and everything you try, how boring would you be as a person? No, not even boring, just condescendingly inhuman. You couldn't debate with people, because you know, you'd just beat them, even if the subject was philosophy, because hey, you're always right. Always. Whatever the topic, whatever the subject....notice how no good ice-breaker starts with "So, guys, I am awesome in every way and have never done anything wrong ever", well, bully for you! There's no empathy to be had with that statement. We as a species relate to each other by our mistakes, by what has gone wrong (or what we perceive of having gone wrong), if everything always goes exactly the right way, if there's no set backs, we degrade as humans, we become less than what we should be because there is no challenge there, no need to adapt and overcome. Anyway, I've talked enough here, I'm going to go adapt and overcome a plate of curry (....that sounded way less gross in my head....I'm going to leave it in there though, because mistakes, yay!) or something...later days y'all!
Tuesday, 3 September 2013
Take your pick
Howdy do! So, it's been a long time since my last blog and
the reasons for that are as varied and many as they are boring and tedious but
the short answer is that I didn't have much access to the internet...I mean, I
had it on my phone, but my phone is an ancient piece of shit (well, no, that's
not fair, it's a good little phone for, you know, actually phoning
people...i.e. the actual reason for which it was created...) that hates these
new-fangled, devil-ridden inventions such as the internet and Bluetooth and
mp3s, sure, it can use them, sometimes, if I really force it to, but for the
most part the thing just leers at me if I come at it with the request to check
my email....
Anywho, that's by-the-by, so what will I be talking about
today?! Well, it's me so you know that I'm going to be talking about one of
three things, my love of video games, university/education in general or tales
of my childhood with philosophical ramblings interjected haphazardly into the
main narrative...so take a guess! Are you taking a guess? If you guess rightly
you'll win a small pot of jam (you even get to pick which flavour!) and an all
expenses paid trip to the Moon! (*winning participants must be able to supply
their own pot for the jam to go in, their own spacesuit and breathing apparatus
and there is no cash alternative available, entrants must be over 18 and have
blue eyes (today) or brown eyes (tomorrow) to enter).
Did you guess rightly? Did you?! DID YOU?! Well, if you did,
or didn't, or didn't even attempt to, here is the answer! All of the above!
Hah, that wasn't even an option, no prizes for you! (Please don't report me to
the games commission or whatever it's called, I can't go back to prison again
for the first time! I am a sweet and delicate thing, I wouldn't last a day
without snapping and burning the place down...)
See, it's very nearly here...today's date, if you are
unaware (or are reading this in the future, or the past! Which I tell you would
be some trick indeed!) is the third of September....which means that I move out
of my house in four days time....my course induction is now under a week
away...It's all getting rather real and that's making me quite nervous. It's
very strange, because this has been my dream for, well... basically...ever...certainly
as long as I can remember and I can remember very long into the past indeed
(well, possibly, probably, hopefully...though how would I know if I'd forgotten
things entirely....makes one think, certainly) and now that it's basically
here...I'm quite...no...very...I'm very nervous about it all. I mean, because
of one reason and the others I'm getting into this game quite late, and I'd
like to blame other people for it, but really it's all been down to me. I think
I've talked about it before, that a person can't choose what happens to them,
but they can choose how they react and that I reacted poorly, and I did!
There's a sense of relief that this point is finally here, it feels like I've
finally clawed my way up to where I should have been six/seven years ago if I
hadn't just let go of wanting, well, anything but drinking and playing video
games really....and you know, that sounds fun as shit, and it is! Up to a
point...It's depressing, just brutally mind numbing and when you get to that
state because of depression in the first place, it is just a crushing
existence. There's little point in getting out of bed, hell, there's little
point in going to bed in the first place, so your sleeping pattern gets all out
of whack, which just depresses you further! (Look it up, I think it's seratonin
or something, lack of sleep causes lack of it, lack of it causes depression) It
really is just this vicious cycle.
It's a really weird thing though, depression, because it is
also a crutch, it's a reason to not try and improve, a sort of "oh, why bother"
mentality and before you jump on my back and start screaming like some demented
howler monkey that that's not true...it is. I'm not saying that everyone
suffering from it is like that, because they're not, they genuinely do have
chemical imbalances in their brain that stop them from being able to enjoy life
or look forward with any kind of optimism, I've known and continue to know
people who fall into that category...which makes me annoyed when people play
off it. You know, the lazy bastards who just don't want to work so they pretend
to be depressed to commit benefit fraud, who use it as an excuse to avoid
looking for work, to get out of having responsibilities. But mostly, I hate it
because it harms people who have the actual illness, who need the actual help.
Think about it, if a hypothetical drug was developed that cured depression and
was given to people who weren't depressed but who were fleecing the system for
money, even if it makes them as happy as balls they would still report
themselves as depressed even though the drugs ostensibly "worked" and
the pharmaceutical companies go back to the drawing board...though they're not
too arsed about it, because hey, more money for them in developing new
treatments right? But yeah, it's not just drugs, it's care workers and social
workers, the people who look after these "depressed" people, if their
techniques don't "work" on them, they have to adapt them
unnecessarily, time and again. It's not just depression that people do this on
though, don't think I'm ragging just on them, it's everything where people
aren't really a part of the thing but use it to further their own means to the
detriment of the people who are really trying to deal with it. Like the looters
who "join in" with the riots that happened all over the UK a couple
of years ago after the Duggan shooting. The cause, the movement didn't matter
to them, they weren't looking to improve the world, people weren't talking
about the social change that should have happened after it thanks to them, they
were talking about how it was terrible that these riots happened at all. People
forget that the first "riot" was actually a peaceful protest wanting
an explanation for the shooting. Like the depression thing, it becomes curing
"symptoms" that don't exist in the actual condition.
I'm not sure how this became so serious so fast, and I feel
kind of bad about that, so, some levity to finish for you all....a horse walks
into a bar and the barman says "why the long face?" and the horse
says "my wife just died in childbirth...the foal died as
well"....waaaaait, that's not light hearted at all! Well, I tried! Lord
help me but I tried! *puts jet pack on* now, goodbye! *jetpacks away*
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
The biased truth: A lesson in relative fidelity
Man has always been at war...it's in our blood. It's been that way ever since one monkey picked up a rock, bashed it over another's head and found that he was able to then take that other monkey's things. It gets into everything, from small things such as the fight over who can use the bathroom first in the morning to the big things like invading third world countries for natural resources I erm mean..."weeding out the bad guys who'd do us harm! yeehaw!"...the point is as a species we thrive on conflict. Even video gamers. There's always some story in the media that goes on about how video game caused violence is on the rise; it was Doom that caused Columbine, it was Grand Theft Auto that caused that Thai man to kill that taxi driver back in 2008, it was Katamari Damacy that caused the recession because it compelled Jeff Jefferson to run around hoarding everything in the world so that inflation sky rocketed because there was so little left in the world that Jefferson didn't own....those were dark, dark days indeed....
Of course, before video games, life was golden! Nothing bad ever happened! I mean sure, basically over 99% of wars happened before the advent of computer gaming...but come on, other than that it was great right?! Oh, come on, The Great Depression wasn't all that bad, it really brought people together! And as for the Dark Ages?! Best time, ever! Or whatever other example you care to mention...yes, everything sure was great back then!
Okay, that was unfairly sarcastic, a lot of great stuff did happen prior to video games, arguably more great stuff than has happened since, there, I've given you a freebie...but here's the thing, the real reason why video games are looked down on as a form of entertainment....they're new. It really is that simple, they've been around for about 50 years now but they only really hit the mainstream about 30 years ago and even then it was only seen as a kids toy. It's a rapidly growing industry, in this console generation alone, between the three main console competitors (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and the Wii) they've sold over a quarter of a billion machines and that's not including how many handhelds (such as the DS or 3DS) are sold or how many PCs were bought with the express intent of being used as a games machine, it's estimated that there's roughly half a billion people worldwide who play at least an hour daily...the market for it is growing.
You have to question the intent of the media's stories. There's the story that's being presented and then there's the story behind that story, why is the general media always so keen to press the issue of video game violence. Well, there are a few reasons that are pretty easy to discern. Firstly, there's the target audience. As I said before video games are basically a youth thing. I'm not saying that that is entirely the case, as it's blatantly not so, they've been embraced by a decent percentage of the older population, but what about the rest. To them, video gaming is strange and unusual, it's full of it's own terminology indecipherable to those without the key ("l2p noob" "360 triple collateral no scope!" "gank DR, thn bk 2 mid grp 4 rosh" "fucking lagswitching"), it's something they can't get into because it requires time and/or effort and (most importantly I would argue) it could cause a rift to open in their social circle ("Franks into those kiddy-games now, ain't ya Frank."). So they're not altogether enthused about video games in the first place, because it's not for them, but you know what is? Watching television, watching the news, ever notice how the news broadcasts on BBC are different to the ones on MTV? Or how Fox news is different from Al Jazeera? That's called media bias, what you are getting is ostensibly the news, but it is the news presented in a format specifically for a certain demographic. If your audience is older, you show video games/new music in a bad light. This is primarily done to achieve repeat custom, if a news show is similar to your world view odds are likely that you will return to it again and again, which is great for the advertisers. It's the same with newspapers, websites, everything, they are all pushing an agenda to get you in again and again. There is truth there, sure, but you have to question it.
Why do you have to question it...well, in video games case especially, it's because it's harmful to other media....it's simple if you think about it, if you're busy playing a video game then you can't be watching the television programs. You can't be seeing all those lovely advert breaks. You're not watching movies and seeing the product placement. Consider who owns all those businesses, Sony own Columbia Pictures and I think that's the only major crossover in the industry (please do point out if I'm wrong, I'm not entirely certain), every one else is in competition. It's slowly fading away as their services become ever more intermingled (see for example Xbox1's deal with the NFL, worried about choosing between Halo or NFL on Monday nights?! well, now you don't have to!) and interestingly enough this has happened before. When television was first introduced, it didn't really do well, it was looked down on (much as video games are now) both by the media and the media influenced public...television started making some headway in the early 50s though and then the movie companies caved when they realised that they could make money off of old movies through their re-release on television. The Movie companies (the biggest of which are today's media conglomerates) should really have seen this coming though, as that was exactly the same way they began (as the innovative, edgy, underdog against the might of Print published media).
Which leads me back to my opening, where I said that man has always been at war...old ideas are always conflicting against new ones, until the new idea itself becomes accepted, and then old, and is then fighting against some new idea...because just as much as we are about fighting, we are about adapting and making things routine. What was unthinkable back then is now considered unremarkable and normal, it's not always a good thing, but it can be.
Of course, before video games, life was golden! Nothing bad ever happened! I mean sure, basically over 99% of wars happened before the advent of computer gaming...but come on, other than that it was great right?! Oh, come on, The Great Depression wasn't all that bad, it really brought people together! And as for the Dark Ages?! Best time, ever! Or whatever other example you care to mention...yes, everything sure was great back then!
Okay, that was unfairly sarcastic, a lot of great stuff did happen prior to video games, arguably more great stuff than has happened since, there, I've given you a freebie...but here's the thing, the real reason why video games are looked down on as a form of entertainment....they're new. It really is that simple, they've been around for about 50 years now but they only really hit the mainstream about 30 years ago and even then it was only seen as a kids toy. It's a rapidly growing industry, in this console generation alone, between the three main console competitors (Xbox 360, PlayStation 3 and the Wii) they've sold over a quarter of a billion machines and that's not including how many handhelds (such as the DS or 3DS) are sold or how many PCs were bought with the express intent of being used as a games machine, it's estimated that there's roughly half a billion people worldwide who play at least an hour daily...the market for it is growing.
You have to question the intent of the media's stories. There's the story that's being presented and then there's the story behind that story, why is the general media always so keen to press the issue of video game violence. Well, there are a few reasons that are pretty easy to discern. Firstly, there's the target audience. As I said before video games are basically a youth thing. I'm not saying that that is entirely the case, as it's blatantly not so, they've been embraced by a decent percentage of the older population, but what about the rest. To them, video gaming is strange and unusual, it's full of it's own terminology indecipherable to those without the key ("l2p noob" "360 triple collateral no scope!" "gank DR, thn bk 2 mid grp 4 rosh" "fucking lagswitching"), it's something they can't get into because it requires time and/or effort and (most importantly I would argue) it could cause a rift to open in their social circle ("Franks into those kiddy-games now, ain't ya Frank."). So they're not altogether enthused about video games in the first place, because it's not for them, but you know what is? Watching television, watching the news, ever notice how the news broadcasts on BBC are different to the ones on MTV? Or how Fox news is different from Al Jazeera? That's called media bias, what you are getting is ostensibly the news, but it is the news presented in a format specifically for a certain demographic. If your audience is older, you show video games/new music in a bad light. This is primarily done to achieve repeat custom, if a news show is similar to your world view odds are likely that you will return to it again and again, which is great for the advertisers. It's the same with newspapers, websites, everything, they are all pushing an agenda to get you in again and again. There is truth there, sure, but you have to question it.
Why do you have to question it...well, in video games case especially, it's because it's harmful to other media....it's simple if you think about it, if you're busy playing a video game then you can't be watching the television programs. You can't be seeing all those lovely advert breaks. You're not watching movies and seeing the product placement. Consider who owns all those businesses, Sony own Columbia Pictures and I think that's the only major crossover in the industry (please do point out if I'm wrong, I'm not entirely certain), every one else is in competition. It's slowly fading away as their services become ever more intermingled (see for example Xbox1's deal with the NFL, worried about choosing between Halo or NFL on Monday nights?! well, now you don't have to!) and interestingly enough this has happened before. When television was first introduced, it didn't really do well, it was looked down on (much as video games are now) both by the media and the media influenced public...television started making some headway in the early 50s though and then the movie companies caved when they realised that they could make money off of old movies through their re-release on television. The Movie companies (the biggest of which are today's media conglomerates) should really have seen this coming though, as that was exactly the same way they began (as the innovative, edgy, underdog against the might of Print published media).
Which leads me back to my opening, where I said that man has always been at war...old ideas are always conflicting against new ones, until the new idea itself becomes accepted, and then old, and is then fighting against some new idea...because just as much as we are about fighting, we are about adapting and making things routine. What was unthinkable back then is now considered unremarkable and normal, it's not always a good thing, but it can be.
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