Sunday, 9 June 2013

And all for the price of a fish finger sandwich.

So I'm sitting there, twiddling my thumbs and idling away my life when it suddenly occurs to me. I am an obsessive person. Now, before you all get up off of your seats or beds as this is quite late, and break into my bedroom and start slapping me about the head with belt buckles and yelling "what?! get a grip! I won't let you slander yourself so!", take a breath and let me explain....put down the wife beaters favourite weapon (did I just imply myself to be a wife...boy, that won't come back to bite me at some point! moving on!) and I shall do so.

See, I'm a generally passive person ("what?! you said obsessive before?! stick to the facts you're presenting!" I will, Jesus! this is just adding context..."more like adding...con...suck...yeah!" i hate my inner dudebro, anyway) and those of you who know me, which I assume all...know that mostly I am a calm person, a quiet chap, one who just floats on by occasionally jumping in, snapping off a witty bon mot and then disappearing back into my reveries, like some kind of iono...pithy batman? But I'm not so much a fan of the bat, so I don't know why I used that example...anyway, yeah, ninja! lets go with ninja. But the point is, that's how I am, how I present myself and I am obsessed about appearance. You see, I am quiet and whatnot because I am obsessed with not being seen as stupid or whatever, say quiet and be thought a fool than speak out and remove all doubt kind of deal. But you may say "Terence, that's not an obsession with appearance, thats a fear of losing face!"...think about it! 

Obsession though isn't like that. See, most other things are layered emotions or traits or whatever, obsession isn't. It's very defined. When I was in school, there was this girl I liked all the way through school, all the way from the first day to the last day, I didn't know anything about her through most of school but it was just "I want her and only her." and then I learnt about her and the things I learnt weren't really all that good, but still "Don't care, just want her and only her". Didn't even really talk to her until, what, the second to last year, and you know why? I didn't want her, I wanted the obsession. I wanted to be able to sit in my room, all wistful like and pining for her, whilst not actually doing anything to go after her, because then it just wouldn't be an obsession.

How'd it go? I did ask her out, eventually, she said yes, and it went about as well as you would expect it to go. See, obsession is about the search for perfection, and she was one of the most flawed people I've ever met (and I've met a lot of flawed people, not you though, beautiful people, you're all cooler than cool) and so I didn't have that feeling anymore...and anyway, she was a cheating whore, so it all worked out for the best in the end ^_^

But yeah, so this obsession, I'm sure you'll have noticed that I tend to post things in clumps, so you'll get loads of mlp pictures one week, loads of music videos one day, loads of whatever whenever, everything comes in groups, and that's because I quickly gain an intense interest in something, and for a while, I'll be stuck on it. It'll be all I think about, all I talk about, I'll defend it to the hilt and promote it to my detriment, then forget about it the next day or whatever. It's why I've never even come close to finishing college before, because I'll be really into it for the first couple of months, then I'll find something new and obsess over that, and devote all my energies to that. Last time in college (well, last time I failed) it was because I started watching all my DVDs (i have a massive collection) and wondered if it would be possible to watch them all in a month...and rather than use maths to say that, hypothetically, it could (or could not) be done, I decided that the only logical course of action would be to watch them all and then HEY! wouldn't it be great to watch them all in a row! (It....wasn't such a good idea.....) So I stayed up for I think it was 5 days, might have been 6 days, either way, I missed college all that week, and I had coursework due in and then I just sacked it off because MOVIES! ...ironically (you keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means....) I was doing a movie studies course....but yeah....

So, it's not just obsessions that have fucked me over, but also an inability to follow them through to completion. (I never did watch all my DVDs either...but come on...there's like 500 of them...and about 50 of them are TV series!) Except the school girlfriend thing...maybe that's where I gained a fear of completing things from, because fucking hell, that was a terrible relationship, the shit she put me through and then she got all the sympathy when she split up with me... ^_^ the injustice of what happened afterwards smarts even today...but then on the other hand, she's stuck with a sprog and a cheating husband, so, karma :D  
I like karma, karma has always got my back. A lot of the places I applied for a job with, and got denied, ended up going, I know, there's this whole recession thing going on, but really, that was just karma, helping me out, getting revenge for me from the stupid companies who'd say shit like "well, we'd love to hire you, but you need more experience, which you can't get because we won't hire you" fucking circular logic, so thank you karma! You're an alright philosophical aspect in my book!

Back to the topic, yeah, and because I'm an obsessive kind of person, I'll never be able to meet any of my heroes...well, I say heroes....they've not really done anything heroic....but you know, the Internet celebrities, the Felicia days, the Tomskas, the Emma Blackerys....because I would fawn the shit out of them. It's be like that scene from Wayne's World where Alice Cooper turns up and they start bowing and proclaiming themselves to be not worthy....only much more nakedy and propositiony and ending with much more police involvement....probably...I don't know, I'm not an oracle, I can't see into the future of what things I will do should I meet Internet celebrities....elbows would be licked. That's not a euphemism.

Another thing I'm obsessed with is writing random pieces of this, I don't know, I find that it helps me....and will probably help the courts later, but that's not important! I like writing random, crazy shit like this, it's good for the brain! probably...I mean, whats better, sitting there and stewing or getting words down and...stewing....Well, whatever! I've kinda lost the thread of this whole thing think I'd better stop....goodbye for the now.

PS: I was not drunk, or on any kind of substance when I wrote this...just feel like I need to put that as a disclaimer in there somewhere....

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