Tuesday, 25 February 2014

The inexactitude of belief

I know everything. This is not a hyperbolic statement. There is a universe full of knowledge, from the grandiose to the minute, and I know all of it. 

Or rather, I talk as if I do. It's a real problem for me and I know it annoys people because I do just go on and on when I probably should have stopped speaking about three sentences back. Quite often I don't back down on a subject even if I know little about the subject or can only half remember it. 

Trust me, it's (about) as annoying for me as it could ever be for you. I loath ignorance and will feign knowledge on a subject or topic rather than admit I don't know anything about it, and you know, normally, I'll be able to actually add something even if only on a basic level...and the other person themselves doesn't know too much about the subject...

But then I'll get into that conversation, that debate or argument, with a person who is actually truly knowledgeable in that area and I have been known to say things that only an idiot would say. Contradictory corollaries, tenebrous tautologies, appalling alliteration...I've done it all and more! 

The thing I consider to be the worst is that if I forget something, which is often (my memory is atrocious...I think, I can never remember if I'm forgetful or not), and it's clear to the person I'm talking to that I've forgotten, and should stop speaking, I don't...I go on...and often contradict what has been said before. 

Partly, I think this comes from when I was a child. At said stage of development I had this tendency to just end sentences abruptly. I would practically go mute mid-sentence, seemingly. Which annoyed people as you can probably imagine. So I worked on it, but like everything I do work on properly, I ended up over doing it and so now you have the verbose god you now see before you (or imagine seeing...you guys and gals do imagine seeing me saying all this right? Or hear me at least? Are you sure though? Is my accent really like that? I'm messing with your mind with my wizard powers!)...well, sometimes anyway. 

I noticed the over-talking thing was also annoying people, so I dialled it back but I got caught in a weird kind of linguistic limbo where sometimes I can be too garrulous whilst other times just kind of trailing....

Yes, I do know that that is how people operate, you, normal people, with your regular appendages and your standard ways of being....disgusting, eugh...but what I mean is that I tend to go from one extreme to the other sometimes in the same conversation which is odd, so people do give me that weird look...or rather the normal look one does give a weird person. Or sometimes, and this is becoming increasingly recurrent, a look of pity, as though to say "oh, you poor brain damaged boy you....how do you tie your shoe laces in the morning." (I actually don't wear shoes, ever since I heard the story about the Gordian Knot I've not been allowed near rope, string, scarves wrapped around people's necks, ties or wires...what I'm supposed to do? Sit there and untie them when a good chopping will do?! No sir, not this gentlemen, not I!) 

So, to bring this full circle, I started this off with a very tongue in cheek statement. I do not know everything. (What?! Stop the presses!) I mean, don't get me wrong, I know a lot, probably a hell of a lot more than the regular person and that's not big headed (well, it is, but...) it just is. But here's the thing, it's, generally speaking, a basic knowledge. I tend to skim the outlines of a subject rather than go into depth on the subject itself, so I know a little about a lot whilst it could be argued that that's useless when compared to knowing a lot about little. Jack of all trades, master of none kind of deal. I used that tale of the Gordian Knot in the last paragraph. I know what the story is, in essence, there was an un-doable knot, some versions it was around a treasure chest, some it was tied to a cart, and many people had tried to untie it and failed until some clever bugger, sometimes Alexander the Great, sometimes Heracles, doesn't waste time fiddling with it, he just cuts through it with his sword. Problem solved. The point is I know the outline of the story, I know what happened, and I know who did what and how/why, but I can guarantee that if I was telling this story as an actual story, I would go on and on about irrelevant details and get some major ones wrong. Like, it's a Greek story, but I'll call Heracles by his Roman name (The more popularly known Hercules) or something...when it's a nothing story like that though it doesn't matter if I get that small detail wrong, but I do it on other, far more important things.

Anyway, I've rambled enough for one night (some would say enough for two, or even more!) so yeah, I'm off, later taters.


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